I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
