you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
