you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
