Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You can't special order awesome
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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