I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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