we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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