I got chris browned last night
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize