well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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