i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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