Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He's on the porch naked. Help.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
