My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
