that's an acceptable place to lick
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
