i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
