i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
