I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize