I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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