Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
