Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
