I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
