My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
