listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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