i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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