I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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