Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
