the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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