And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
