all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
