Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
