the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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