dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize