How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
