I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
