I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
