they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
