Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize