Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
