What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just cropdusted the office
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Someone came in the potted fern
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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