Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
