FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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