you have to choose: penises or morals?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize