do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Farmville is her only friend.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
