When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
