I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
