Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
