Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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