i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
