and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
