I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
