I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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