oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize