So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
