the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
