you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He literally asked permission to hit on me
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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