Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize