i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
