It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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