This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
