So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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