the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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