You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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