Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
