literally had 100 drinks last night.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
