Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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