Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize