I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
