Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
