There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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