A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize