you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
