she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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