Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
