The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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